I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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