oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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