i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
