this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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