Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
