Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i now understand why vodka
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
