umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
