Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
