Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
