What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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