I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
