I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
