just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
