I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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