did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize