Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
A+ Viking dick
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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