i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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