It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
