do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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