The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
