My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
