well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
