My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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