is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
