I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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