Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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