I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
