Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
