thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
