Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
