I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
