i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
