Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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