There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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