Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize