so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
