We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
