I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Randomize
