i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Shame - the story of my life.
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