His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Bring me that man meat
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
