your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
