but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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