he wants to bone in the snuggie
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
