We got so high we made milksteak
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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