The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
