I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
