She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
