her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
