My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize