he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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