I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
