im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
