***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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