dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
