um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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