Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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