yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize