Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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