come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
