Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
