Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
