shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
