That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
