I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
