Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
