guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
