I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
