You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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