Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have tasted many bathrooms
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
