what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
