i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
