dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
why is half of my head shaved?
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