Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
