I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize