There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He shit in the fireplace
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
