I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
