I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
