There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
