I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Randomize
