I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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