dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
