I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
