This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
