My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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