Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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