you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize